​November in song.

“searching for a heart of gold”

i’m trying to relearn how to be tender again. i want to be a petal again. i’ve been the thorn. being the bad one feels good but tastes so fucking horrible. i don’t like the way this poison tastes on my tongue.

“mon amour, sweet child of mine, you’re divine”

baby, i know i ain’t no angel. i know i got flaws. somedays it’s hard to find myself beneath them. learning to love myself is hard, but sometimes i can be a pretend goddess. maybe someday i’ll find a permanent spot in heaven.

“my bad, bad love”

why don’t we talk about the heartbreak? why is love always the starlet? why does she get centerstage? heartbreak must always be the understudy right? i guess what i’m asking is, why is the spotlight on the glamour and not the pain? why do I only write about the sweet words but never the strange aftermath?

“do you say that I’m a sweetheart? do you say that I’m a freak?”

sometimes i like to imagine you sitting in some stupid coffee shop in delhi twenty years from now. when someone asks you about me, you smile and say, “oh, my baby. she’s still driving me insane with that smile.”

“losing my mind losing control”

at night it feels like i’m trying not to remember a thing. the last time i got off a plane, i left my fears on the seat. they’re in the clouds right now. i don’t know if that was a good idea but when i’m cruising down the highway about fifteen kilometres over the speed limit with the wind in my hair, it sure does feel great.

“somebody catch my breath”

what does it say about me, that i still lose my breath when i see you?

“how was I supposed to know anything?”

here’s what I do know. the stars are dying. we don’t know what’s at the bottom of the ocean. anything divided by zero is infinity. i’ve learnt four languages, but i am afraid to tell you i love you in any of them. i don’t know why. a girl can only know so much.

“been waiting on that sunshine”

this winter is harsh on me. on my lips. on my skin. on my heart. these shadows are no good for me. i miss the light.

“talking under pink skies”

i sit on a brick bench across from a girl i used to trust with my life. she is a stranger now. we know nothing about eachother. but we reminisce under the rose coloured sky and look at each other through these rose coloured glasses and every thing feels peachy.

“getting on your goodbye shoes”

the year is almost over and i’m revving my engines. i’m kissing the leaves goodbye. i’m ready to go. time can sweep off my feet and take me to somewhere i’ve never been.


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